To: My One Year Old!

I became a mother exactly one year ago, and at 5:57p.m., my life changed forever!

Finding Out:
I took a home pregnancy test on Wednesday, May 31, 2006, just as a joke. I was a few days late, but knew that I could not be pregnant. I told Zack, “I’m going to take a pregnancy test just to make sure.” “Whatever,” was his response. I took the test, looked at the stick one millisecond later, and saw two dark pink lines. I looked at the directions and this is what I read:

1 light pink line = not pregnant
2 dark pink lines = pregnant

I looked at the stick again, then the directions again, then the stick, then the directions... I just knew that God would not allow us to be pregnant now! Zack was in school, we were broke, I wasn’t ready, we had plans… (Isn’t it funny how God knows so much better about what you need than you do yourself?) At this point I’m sweating, shaking, crying, and about to faint. I go to Zack, grab his arm and fly into hysteria. “Za, aa, ck!” More crying, hyperventilation, can’t breath, about to faint. “WWAAAAH!” I cry. Zack just holds me, looking pale and faint himself. “Was it positive?” he asks in a terrified tone of voice. “Y-Y-YES!!” I cry some more. “Is that a good cry or a bad cry?” he asks. “I don’t know!!” I reply. I called my wonderful friend in Texas to get some encouragement and words of wisdom. She laughed…Then, of course, she told me how wonderful it would all turn out. How God has a better plan for us than we do for ourselves, and how He’ll always provide for us and take care of us. It wasn’t long before I started feeling better and even a little excited.


By the next day, I was more excited than Martha Stewart when she was released from prison. I went to school glowing like a prom queen. I had made a picture frame that read, “Save this frame for Baby Hickman who is due in February” to show all of my coworkers. We then told all of our family and friends as soon as we could. Some cried, some screamed, some were speechless, but everyone was ecstatic!

The Pregnancy:
Unlike my mom and sisters, I had a wonderful pregnancy. I was sick for a total of one week (when we took a vacation to Colorado). By the 8th month, I was so excited, anxious, and ready to have my baby, I couldn’t think straight. It just COULD NOT happen soon enough. Every doctor’s visit from 35 weeks on, I went in praying, crossing my fingers and knocking on wood that I would be progressing and closer to having the baby. Every doctor’s visit from 35 weeks on, I got the same report: “You are not dilated at all, your cervix has not softened at all, you are not close to going into labor at all.” FINALLY, at 39-1/2 weeks, on Monday, January 29th, my doctor said, “I am going to be on call Wednesday night. Do you want to go ahead and induce?” “YES!!!” I cried. So it was settled, we were going to be parents two days later.


The Labor and Delivery:
6:00am- Checked into the hospital
8:00am- Pitosin was administered
10:00am- Contractions started
12:15pm- Received epidural
1:15pm- Had water broke (1-1/2cm dilated)
2:30pm- Still 1-1/2cm dilated
3:30pm- 2cm dilated
4:10pm- 4cm dilated
4:11pm- 7cm dilated (I dilated from a 4 to a 7 while the nurse was checking me!)
4:30pm- Baby’s heart rate dropped and he went posterior. I was put on an oxygen mask
and was turned onto my stomach.
5:00pm- 9cm dilated- Baby’s heart rate was still low; I was turned onto my right side.
5:15pm- 10cm dilated- Preparing for delivery.
5:30pm- Began pushing.
5:50pm- Suction Vacuum was used.
5:57pm- Zayde was born!!


I cannot put into words the joy that I felt the first time I saw and held my baby Zayde. The emotions overwhelmed me, causing me to shed tears of joy!

The Past Year:
Since then, I have shed many more tears of joy holding him, playing with him, rocking him, and just being his mommy. Zack and I have now said many times, that we
don’t know what we would do without Zayde. He has brought us so much joy, happiness, laughter, excitement, and fun. Sometimes, I feel like my heart is going to explode with love and happiness. I have always desired to have children and knew that I would love them. I just never knew how in love with my baby I would be. I am so blessed to be given the awesome responsibility of loving, caring for and raising this child of God. As Psalms says, children are truly a gift from the Lord. I know that the love I have for Zayde can only come from God alone. Sometimes I wonder if this love ever fades. Because, if not, I don’t know how I will ever spend seven hours away from him everyday when he starts school, or how I will be able to live without him when he goes off to college, or how I will ever share him with another woman when he gets married. These are worries that I will have to place in God’s hands and trust in Him to give me comfort and peace when the time comes. In the meantime, I am immensely enjoying every waking moment I have with Zayde and soaking up every precious second spent with him! Happy Birthday, Zayde- I LOVE you!!

Chuck E. Cheese!!...

Last night, Zack and I took Zayde to Chuck E. Cheese's to celebrate his birthday with just our little family. We enjoyed it so much and had a blast watching him discover, explore and play...

Not real sure about ol' Chuck E.


VERY sure now!


All better with Mommy. :)


Zayde and Daddy enjoying pizza- Zayde had his first bites of pizza last night!


...riding in a fire engine (he held on to the sides for dear life)



Sliding with Mommy...


He rode the carousel several times. He loved the mirrors on it!


Like father, like son... Off roading in a Jeep!



This was a little school bus, so of course Mommy was all over that!


Zack took Zayde through the jungle gym of tunnels. He LOVED it! He was laughing and crawling so fast through all the tunnels, taking whichever route he wanted to.


He looks scared in this picture, but he was smiling at me- I'm just not fast enough with the camera. :)


...coming down the tunnel slide!


Daddy and Zayde watching a virtual-reality roller coaster.

We can't wait to go back!